Today I am having fun with that little devil called "Procrastination". Some days I feel like I just can't get into things and that its a bit of an uphill battle to get moving - the world is made of sludge...and moving in it is just more difficult than other days.
So - I pulled myself together and sat down to do some balances - and I was the first priority... priority - Release of Toxic Structures.
The up end of it all is that I was talking myself down today - not up. I was feeling sludgy - so the world was sludgy - and instead of helping myself by stopping and connecting - I talked myself down. In the balance - I needed to express my emotions - and so I stood by my window and just started to talk it through... I feel flat, I feel irritated, I feel impatient... I feel frustrated.. I feel annoyed.. I feel etc... and at the bottom was me talking me down... saying some rather unpleasant things to myself... and this - was not really the adult me talking at all - this was a teenage me. In digging deeper I find that is not even my voice - its a voice from my past that I have embodied. If I am talking to myself like this at a deeper level - then of course the world is going to feel like sludge and feel difficult. There is no way I can feel like someone who can be highly functioning with that going on inside. The teenager just gets into -why bother? Its too hard? You're not going to succeed anyway etc.... and with that comes the good old sabotage patterns of procrastination - finding distractions and putting things off and then of course feeling worse because you have not done what you set out to do - and then you are in the hamster wheel of beating yourself up. That is not a wining story.
So then I needed to connect to a higher being... I have a huge being of light I connect to - I just felt the energy of this being infuse me and hold me.... making me lighten up!! In this space I start to talk to myself differently - I talk myself back up. I am , at my heart - a good person - good things happen to good people. I have what it takes to create the life I want to live. I love my work and people seem to love it too and seem to benefit - well they tell me that - so it must be true - because they keep coming back for more - that can't be happening just because they want to be nice!! I have a wonderful family and they love me too. Life is actually very good and the sun is shining - and its beautiful, and there are wonderful birds that come to my window every day - and sing just outside my window - what an amazing place to live and work from. My health is improving. My work is improving all the time. I get paid to do what I love in an environment that I love, working with people I love. I am supported by Diving Beings of Brilliant light... I am not alone. I tap into this support and feel so much love and so much support... its ok... I would never be given anything I cannot handle - so the help is there - I just have to let it in.
Next question I need to ask myself - "Lesson to learn and new choices to make"... ahhh yes.... I am not alone so I don't have to do anything on my own - there is an entire Universe of Divine beings there to help me each step of the way. If I talk myself down - everything feels down and then appears to be doing down. If I talk myself up then things go up and life goes up too. So - I now choose to accept the Divine help and support that is there for me, and that will show up in any number of ways that are perfect for me. I now Choose to talk myself up and to be more loving and compassionate to myself...after all - the one who feels down is younger me....and she deserves my love, understanding and compassion.
So - where are you involved in similar patterns of self talk? It is helping you or hindering you? What can you do to change how to talk to yourself? What can you tap into to feel better about yourself and your life?
Next time you see dear old Procrastination - stop and take some time to listen inwards - what is the inner conversation? Help the one inside to come back upwards...don't step on them...help them.