The thought that comes to me today - is that if I want to be honoured and respected in this world - then it has to start with me. If I can learn to honour, love and respect myself - then this will become something I attract from others. It always has to start at home - with me.
I find myself contemplating how many things and actions I have done in the past that do not really honour me - but are done because I am trying to please someone else. Trying to gain someone else's approval and to please them. This is not honest. This is disrespectful of them - as its not done from a clear open-hearted willing place... and its disrespectful to me - as its not what I really want to do. Its not me being in my truth.
The reality is - that we cannot make someone else happy - we cannot change ourselves enough to ever make someone else happy. It never works - because within ourselves we start to bubble and brew - and we find this internal pain and anger - because we are not being ourselves - we are not being honest.
We cannot find our own happiness by pleasing others either. Again - because that internal part of ourselves will become restless and start making an internal fuss... and this shows in our vibration - and no matter how hard we try and hide it - we never can - it will be felt.
If I think back and reflect - I can see how hard I have tried in the past - to be the peacekeeper. I have bent and twisted to try and appease others - but it does not work. In the end its me who breaks... I bend to far and.... snap! - something inside of me breaks.
This is my distant past I am talking about - not so much the current me - however - I still feel that tug of my inner child who demands that I bend and twist to appease others. That inner child has been terrified of upsetting people. In her childhood reality - that could well have been dangerous... it would have made the bigger people angry and then it got very stormy in her world... so she was truly doing her best to keep the storms at bay. This was all, of course - her perception of how her world was... and some parts of it truly were stormy... but - we are no longer there - her and I.
Its now up to me to remind her and to keep her feeling safe by showing her the world I really live in. Its easy for her to forget and to put huge pressure on me to appease - as she gets really terrified... but... I - the big me - knows better now.
I know that my world is mostly a calm one, and that I am in fact surrounded by so many loving people. These beautiful people are not going to hurt me. These people really want me to just be me... and they love me for being me. But - I have to keep on reminding myself that this is how it is... and in this way - remind her and show her what a lovely world we live in, and to just keep on being me. After all - this is the greatest gift I can give this world - and myself - is the gift of being me.
I am a beautiful, loving being. I am mostly a very happy being (except when I am not being me). The gift of my loving heart and my insights into this world - mostly by studying myself- is what this world really wants from me... its why I am here - to just be me. This is why we are all here - to just be our wonderful radiant selves. When I truly honour myself and my truth - then I walk a very beautiful life and I feel great - and then mostly - the people around me feel good too.
Yes - there are times - when being me requires that I do not do what someone else's ego wants me to do. This will cause that ego to perhaps flare up and get upset with me.... but - this is not them being their full selves...and who shall I honour more - their ego, or their true selves? Who shall I honour more... my ego or my true self? I honour us both more - by being true to me, as in this way - I am being true to them too.
So - there may be a brief ego storm - but - it will pass and the sun will shine again, and I will be safe in the calm center of my full being... it does not have to touch me or blow me off course- no more than a brief storm bothers me when I am snuggled up inside sipping hot chocolate.
In fact - we will both be much happier for the loving truth - we will both grow from it.
Much love to all on this beautiful southern spring day!!