Today I want to look at the topic of blame. In looking for blame – be it blaming ourselves or someone else – we are stepping into shifting responsibility to someone or something else. This keeps us in a state of victim-hood – which is very dis-empowering. If it is someone else’s fault – then we do not need to do anything about it… or we are unable to do anything about a situation we are not happy with. What an awful place to be in.
I am not saying that in some situations in life this is not the case… but – what I want to look at is how often it becomes a pattern to shift the blame to someone else – to point fingers at something else… because then we do not need to do anything about it, or cannot do anything about it – and we stay in the same place.
Is this something we really want from life?
If we are not happy in a situation – and we want change – then we must take on some form of responsibility. We can sit there and point fingers at everyone else and at other situations in life – but – until we change something within ourselves – change will not happen – we will stay in the place we are in – a place of dis-empowerment and victim-hood.
Yes – there are definite situations where the cause may well be someone else – but even there – we have to look inside ourselves and find where we can take responsibility in some way – because that is where we can effect change.
We cannot change someone or something else that is outside of ourselves that we have no power over – but we can bring about change within ourselves. This is responsibility – the ability to respond to a situation and take appropriate action…vs just blame – where we shift all responsibility to someone or something else – which means there is nothing we can do within ourselves.
Response – ability. The ability to respond.
So when you find yourself in a situation where you are not happy… ask yourself – what in me has attracted this? What is me can I change to bring about something different? What can I do differently? This may be taking action in the form of reporting something to the appropriate authority… moving jobs… moving out of a relationship that is not healthy… asking advice… changing my own thought patterns about myself…etc… so it can be something internal or something external. But – the minute you take action in any way at all – there is movement… and movement brings about change…and movement also brings you back into a more empowered position.
Once you find something to shift – then take action – work out one step you can take towards that new direction… you do not need to do it all at once and overwhelm yourself… just take the first step and start doing something differently.
Often the first place to start with this is inside yourself. How do you feel about yourself in this situation? How would you rather be feeling? What do you need to do for that part of yourself that is not feeling good? Is that an inner child that needs love and reassurance? Can you call in help?... And this may be calling a friend, a counselor, a lawyer, a spiritual guide… Open up and receive that help and reassurance… let it in and let it help to begin the healing within you.
From here you will be in a better position to take any action that needs to be taken… make a plan of action and work out the steps you need to take – or get advice for this. Structure your time a bit more to help factor in things that will help you.
Once you have started this process – take your focus away from the situation or people involved… and start to look at other areas of life where you are doing well, or areas of life that do please you… and in the beginning – this may be as simple as lifting your face to the sun and feeling its warmth on your skin…smelling a flower… watching a child or an animal at play…. Let these things lift your… let them touch you heart and soul – as the more you do that – the more hope you will feel and the higher you will move out of the darker place you have found yourself to be in.
So yes – someone else may well be the one who is wrong – but… what can you do to bring about change in your own life so that you get into a better space and a better situation. This is the responsibility that you can take… to look after yourself and your needs and to care for yourself…this will make you feel more empowered again and shift you right out of feeling like a helpless victim… and from here…. The world becomes a better place for you again.
Now what if it is you, yourself you are blaming? This can fester and become like a whip… a way of beating yourself… a way of hating yourself. This again takes you deep into a helpless place of victim-hood.
If there is something you have done… then what actions can you take to change it, or repair it? If you cannot repair it – what can you to do to make reparation? This may be directly to the others involved – or to others as an indirect way of reparation. What was going on at the time that you acted out in this way? Where is the disharmony within yourself? Self-hatred is so harmful -it helps no one. It keeps you down and it does not lead to a repair of the situation at hand. What part of yourself do you hate or are you unhappy with? Sense into that area… and who is it in there… most often – it will be a child in need who is acting out to get attention – what can you do to learn to reconnect and love that needy part of your being. If you cannot do this on your own – then I recommend you get help. Find things you do like about yourself… find your areas of strength… and let these aspects of yourself help the other side of yourself. You need to build yourself up again.
You need to learn to love yourself – as someone who loves themselves takes better action.