Oh I am so amusing!! Well - that little ego part of me that really struggles to grow is!!
I have this side of me that tries so hard to please and does not want to rock anyone's boat, or upset anyone... or cost anyone anything etc... All very well dear one - but... we still need to feed the family!!!
So here is me branching out and expanding - and here is me - still trying to stay small - ahhh - amusing!!
I expand and I reach out - and then I reject things that come towards me that will actually benefit me...
Expansion and then contraction. Its a contradiction... and yet - this is life.
So - as usual - I discover that there is yet another layer to peel off - and yet a bit more work to do.
I could get really upset with the part of me that wants to contract - or I could have compassion and connect to that side of me and check in with her... often I find that when I do - this is a much younger me - one who is in fear. Yelling and getting mad that that side of me does no good - just makes her shrink more and contract more.... what she needs is reassurance , love and compassion.
When I connect to her - I see she is still stuck in some old stories... where its dangerous for her to be seen or to accept things. I ask her what she needs and what will help her in that story? She needs to feel safe, and that if she accepts things she will not later be falsely accused or punished, as happened for her in those earlier stories.
I surround her in loving light and give her permission to grow - to be stronger... infusing her with strong white light.... breathing in this powerful light - which is her own light.. the light of her soul... the light of her truth - that she is here to be a being of light - a being who can grow and expand and show the way for others too, who are lost in confusion.... and that there will be protection in place for her when she does.
I wrap her in a purple bubble of light that repels the negativity of others and then, as she connects to Arch Angel Michael - in a coat of his protection. She now feels safer and can relax.
Once she is more relaxed I can then communicate more with her and she tells me she is wanting support. I know I am working with my imagination here and that my reptilian brain does not know the difference between real and imagined - so imagination will work.... so I just sink into my chair and feel the support my chair gives me - telling myself - this is what support feels like... I am supported... and really feel it. I then imagine the chair turning into something bigger - like the Earth, or God - or great big warriors... whatever works.... and again - just feeling the support...and then I let my mind wander and list all the ways I am actually already being supported in life.... and there are so many ways and so many people out there really supporting me.
Again - this part of me relaxes more and more.....and from here - I can reassure this aspect of myself that I still have a home, and have wonderful clients... I have a loving family and beautiful friends... the sun is shining... I have fresh water to drink and so on and so on - the list is really pretty impressive now...and I feel a deep sense of peace and so much gratitude for all that is already working in my life.
From here - I can enter the space of accepting, rather than rejecting, the good that comes towards me as I feel safe again. From here I can trust what comes towards me. From here I can embrace my power and grow and not worry about having to hold it all or carry it all , or please the world.
From here - I can just be me - being me- because that is good enough and that is why I am here - and this is where my power and success is!!