What has come to mind lately is the level of judgement and criticism we all have for each other.
This is, in many ways, totally natural... our whole lives program us for this. We are judged from day one onwards, and in that sense, we are programmed to judge and compare all the time. Thus, we compare ourselves to others and we judge and criticise others... and ourselves.
But - where does this leave us? What are the results? Does it really serve us?
Let's look at the simple fact - that what we focus on we attract more of....
If this is true - then if we are in constant comparison - we will also attract that. If we are in constant judgement - we will also attract that.... if we are in constant critique mode - we will also attract that.
Not only will we attract what we do to others - but... we will only see the flaws we are looking for - and we will stop seeing the beauty and the uniqueness that is so special in each person we encounter - and in ourselves.
How do we judge others and ourselves? What is the standard we are using?
Is this coming from the heart - or is it coming from indoctrinated standards from the media and various religions? Are these true standards that are heart felt , or are they outer programming designed to make us feel less than, and to cause division and suffering?
I feel it’s important to know what does and does not work for me... but - if something is not my cup of tea - that does not mean I am entitled to bring someone else down because it is their cup of tea.
Likewise - ifs someone else does not agree with how I do things - that is ok... and it does not mean I am doing something wrong… just doing it differently.
Of course - if I am causing harm to that person - that is different.... but if there is no real harm (other than potential ego harm) - then each of us is entitled to do things and feel the way we feel.
There is a wonderful saying that says - "What others think of me is none of my business” ... online it mentioned this being attributed to Wayne Dyer... but am sure it has been said in many other places.
This is so true - as if I spend all my time worrying about what you or anyone else thinks of me - then I am living to please others... what a waste of time.
Likewise though - what I think of others also is none of their business... and I need to get my head right out of others and into me.
I cannot create my life if I have my nose stuck in your business... nor if I am trying to run my business (my life) - from your point of view!!
So let’s start to mind our own business... focus on our own business from our own point of view.
Here is a choice to be made - which point of view? From my inner critic, or from my heart and soul?
If I focus on the inner critic - then I just keep on the same old hamster wheel of not being good enough etc. and of pleasing others and fear... and that gets us nowhere... well - its goes to a miserable place... and for me - that is nowhere.
If I choose to focus from my heart - then I can really get somewhere - I can get to what makes my heart and soul sing.
Once I start looking into my own life from here - then when I look at others - I will be looking from a more open hearted and soulful place - which is far more accepting of others having the right to express themselves in whatever way works for them.
This gives me the right to do the same... to be me expressing me.
Now this does not mean I allow others who are expressing something that does not vibe with me, the right to walk all over me and to potentially hurt me... no - because I will be at a place that either puts a boundary in place and extends that boundary so that they keep their distance - or the way I am expressing will bring out more of the loving side in that person... or - they will express that other stuff away from me - where it is in harmony with others who are in a more appreciative space of them being who they currently want to be.
You see - it’s not really wrong at all that they are being who they are...even if who they are being is not something I like... who is right here?? Who is to say that the so -called awful thing they are engaged in does not serve others in a very deep and meaningful way that brings about great and wonderful changes to all involved? In this case - what is wrong?? Rather - better to look at it in a way that asks... does it serve me at my higher levels to be here right now? If not - move away... and allow those who need to engage in whatever way to do so in their own way.... and move away - it’s not a story you need to be part of. If the answer is yes - then in what way? Sometimes we do need to be in a place that does not feel so good - because of the service we or they have to offer... accept that - do what you need to do and move onwards.
Sometimes - in fact - often for me... the ones who do something that looks so bad... are the ones who are giving me my greatest life lessons. Without those people doing what they were doing - or saying what they said... I know I would not be where I am today.... so, were they wrong?? Or... where they in deep service to me?
What about people engaged in behaviours that I deem to be inappropriate? Well, firstly, “I “deem this - so it’s my judgement of what works for me. It means that what they are engaged in is wrong for me - but it may well be right for them... and it may not look right... but... again - who knows where this will lead them or others?? If I need to do something about this - because they may be acting under the influence of a substance - or they may be underage and under the influence of an older person who may not have their best interest in mind - then yes - I need to take appropriate action... and then again... ultimately - it will be a win win for all... but... if this behaviour of theirs does me no real harm - and does no real harm to others who are not in a situation to defend themselves... then... its best I live by example and not by pointing the finger - as most people do not respond well to being criticised or judged from an ego point of view.
So this is not the easiest topic - I know - because there are many areas that seriously harm another - and no - that is not good... and that is common sense. But what I am talking about here is people’s right to just be themselves expressing themselves... and we judge them for wearing funny clothes, or weird hair... or their taste in music or food etc... this is harmless stuff. Why do we care?? So what if someone wants to walk around in green hair with feathers sticking out of their nose… that is their right... and if it works for them - yay!!! Good for them... I admire them for their courage to do so... their ability to walk tall in the face of so called normality - they are teaching us such a great lesson... Let’s rather look at them and smile and just think or say - good for you! Its ok for them to do that - they have no impact on us other than to allow us to have a smile. So what if someone loves punk music... good for you - they are keeping someone else in business and that is great... I can also choose to put in my earphones and listen to what I like.
So what is someone loves Kung Fu movies - again - they are supporting others in their right to be who they are - just like I do in watching soppy romance!
I believe there is a place for each of us to be ourselves in this wonderful planet.... why not celebrate that - why not allow ourselves to be the bright and beautiful odd ball unique characters we are...let’s learn from nature... some things our there are seriously odd - and yet - each oddness about them is there by divine order and really serves something greater.... so perhaps its the same with us??
Let's learn to embrace our uniqueness and allow others the same right... our uniqueness of mind, of dress, of taste, of friends.... Let's look for the common ground and celebrate that too... as that is our place of union with those others.... and if there is no common ground - then let’s be grateful that the planet is as big as it is and there is space for each of us to exits as we need to without having to stop another living the way they want to... just like the lion lives on land and the whale lives in the deep ocean and they never meet or have much to do with each other.
let’s learn to mind our own business – own our own thought - and focus on our own lives... build ourselves up... and to leave others to do their thing... and if its gets in our way - to negotiate space so we can co exit on this plane without having to cause more chaos.
Yes - this may well mean that we choose to have some serious distance with some people -and that is ok too... remember the lions and the whales!!