My question to day is "Whose life is it anyway??"
Whose life are you living and why are you living it?
Are you here to please others and to do what they say?
Are you here to listen to others and put their wishes first?
Is this their life?
Is this your life??
Whose life are you living??
So often when I tackle things in my life - I hear the voices of others... now in my own head... once outside of myself!! This one thinks this and that one think that. This one thinks I should do it this way and that one thinks I should do it that way.
This one wants me to behave this way and that one wants me to behave that way.
This just leaves me feeling torn and lost.
If I honour person A then person B is angry with me.
If I follow person B's advise then person A is all sad and upset and I have somehow made their life a misery.
I am damned if I do and I am damned if I don't. Sound familiar??
Well - at the end of the day - no matter what I do and how kind and wonderful I try to be - someone is not going to be happy with me - because it will not be the way they believe it should be. I cannot please everyone. In fact - I can't make anyone happy ever.
No one can make someone else happy.
We can please someone - yes.. to a point... but only if they are open to being pleased... so they have to be open to it in the first place. You see - it starts inside us.... its a choice within us to be open or not.
If someone is closed to joy then no matter how hard you try and what you do - you are not going to be able to make them happy or to please them. ...because they are closed.
If someone is open to joy - then they are already in that space of joy within themselves and so - its easy to please them... they are already please able - because they are already pleased... within.
So all this stuff about trying to make others happy and proud of us etc... its all about external gratification.
Its also about external manipulation.
"I can only be happy if you do this or that" - means I am placing the responsibility of my life and my joy in your hands... that is manipulation... and avoidance of self responsibility. You must make me happy and if I am not happy its your fault!!
We are all guilty of this in one form or another - and right here - I must apologise to my family, my children and anyone else I have ever done this to... I am really sorry!!! We are trained into it - its a form of programming, and of control... its throughout our whole lives and society. In some ways - its done as a form of trying to protect our beloveds from harm.
"Don't touch that hot stove", "Don't run across the road" - now these things are common sense... and are providing boundaries - so that we learn how the world around us works...
But.... "If you do that you will make mommy sad... and then Mommy will think you don't love me anymore"... this is manipulation and control. Naturally we want to be happy with others... and we want those we love to be happy...and that can lead to us trying to please them. This then leads to us expecting others to be able to please us and make us happy. However... its not our responsibility to please them and make them happy, or vice versa.
Oh well - our lives are full of it and the past is the past... so dropping into guilt and shame and blame is not going to help us here either...
What will help is the realisation that at the end of the day - we are responsible for our own lives - for our own joy and only we can really make ourselves happy. This sets us free.
Its our life ... for us to live... for us to express ourselves in... for us to be ourselves in.
So... become aware of how many things you are doing to please others.
Become aware of the choices you make and why you are making them...who are you making them for?
Why are you making them? How does it make you feel?
This awareness is your key to freedom.
Start to make choices that really reflect your own honest truth - that come from your own heart and that are an expression of who you really are.
What makes you happy?
What brings you joy?
What do you want to do and why?
Its your life... live it - and please yourself... and you will find happiness there.