I have been having one of those weeks where I have allowed my mind to slip into negative creation!!! Something triggered me and whoops - down I went... it got in!!
What we think about - we become... what we think about - we create - one way or another!!
So here I am... finding my mind slipping into delightfully negative thoughts that drag my energy down and make me emotionally feel down too.... lovely.... and for that part of my being - it is lovely... its the hippo part of me that just loves to wallow in the mud... its stinky and slippery and slimy and dark and all things blah!!!
Yes - we do all have that part... that part of the ego that wants to wallow in misery - that wants to be a martyr, or that wants to be a victim....
Wants to?? Surely not!!! Who actually wants to be that??
Consciously... not many of us ... but subconsciously - there is that part of us that is attached to an ego definition of ourselves who suffer... we get addicted to our pain and misery. This part of ourselves is attached to an identity it has created for itself - its gets its life energy this way... its gets its badges of honour this way.... its the only way it knows itself - and without the pain and misery - who is it??? Can it even exist??
How many times have you heard the phrase "Rather the devil you know then the devil you don't??"
This kind of programming keeps us stuck in old stories - playing the same thing over and over again in different chapters of our lives with different characters - but the same story.
This part hates change - it is terrified of change - no matter what the change it.....
"What if its worse???"- rather stick with what you know then take the risk that it could be different!!!!!
What if its better???
What if life could be different in a very good way?
What if you can succeed?
What if you can be happy?
Ahh... but what if people leave us because we change?
Well... what kind of people only love you and pay attention to you when you are down?
Are they the kinds of people you really want in your life?
But what if there is no one else????
Better abusive people then none at all??
The reality is that we have all these little secondary gain programs going on... that part of our ego has devised strategies for survival that depend on us taking certain roles and playing certain games - to gain something - and until it changes that and find a more healthy way of getting what it wants - it will hold onto its old story as hard as it can - because it believes that if it does not - the results will be horrific.
This is often an inner child... a young one that was doing the best it could under the circumstances it was in - to survive. This part of our being needs love and compassion... it needs to gain understanding so that it can let go of the old and make space for something better.
So tune into this side of yourself... listen to what it is saying... listen to what it is trying to get.
How old is this side of you?
Allow an image to form in your mind... how is this one doing?
Engage into conversation with it... letting the older wiser you connect to and befriend this younger you.
Giving it the support and love that it is needing... helping it find other better solutions to the problems it feels it has.... allowing it to meet and connect to the spirit world and feel the loving guidance from there.
Just use your imagination.
Remember - the reptilian brain will take anything we think about - or imagine... as real and respond as if it is real... so don't worry about if something is real or not... lets face it... a good portion of the negative thoughts and ideas we think about are not really real either - until we hold them long enough and then they manifest.
Well - lets use this fact in a more positive way.
So start to imagine the support you want (for example)- don't use actual people ... just visualise yourself getting support.. and get into the feeling of it.... the feelings help you know when your thinking is on track...if it feels good - you are on track - if it does not feel good - you are off track... try something else.
Support issues used to be something that was a problem for me... long ago. In the beginning - I could not imagine anyone being supportive... so I went more general... I aimed to just get the feeling of support and not be too specific about it. I lay on the ground and just allowed my body to totally relax and then I told myself... "This is what support feels like."
I sat in my chair and allowed myself to become aware of how the chair was supporting me and got into the feel of it..."This is me being held".
I can float really well in water - so I used to swim to the middle of the pool and then flip over and just totally relax and feel what it felt like to be so supported and held... and then imagine it was a giant hand holding me... the Hand of God... of the Universe...and then say to myself... "I am so supported".
Slowly in my life - I started to notice ways in which I really was being supported... in so many ways.... I just took my attention away from those few who were not being supportive in the ways I wanted them to be - and open my mind... and allowed support to come to me in many other ways...... and then.... I started to notice the ways in which those other specific people were supporting - me... in the ways that they could.
I had to see that not every one can be everything to me... just in the way that a butterfly cannot carry a human on its back - but a horse can.... allowing those who can deliver what I need to do so - and appreciating that the others could give me other things. So some people moved further away from me - and others then moved closer.
Yes - life changed - but for the better in every way.
So - back to my week!!! Yes - went on a wallowing trip... hahah....and I could see it - and for a while - I just consciously wallowed there - amused with myself for doing what I was doing- gaining understanding of this side of me that was afraid of the next level of change that was about to happen.
Taking a deep breath I started to love this side of me - connect to it and nurture it in more healthy ways.
I then found that my thinking started to shift.... I stopped imagining things and giving energy to things that had not happen and that most likely were not going to happen. So often we worry about things that have not happened... and are not actually happening... but we fear they might happen - and so we feed those thoughts... and drop our energy and eventually... yes - something like that does happen.
So instead... I go general... and say to myself... ok - well - this is not helping... and it has not happened... and chance are pretty good that it will not... so what do I need right now? I may need a hug, reassurance, love... whatever it is... I either find a way to get that for myself from someone or some way where it is possible - or I just imagine it. I connect to that part of myself that can give it to me... I imagine God or an Angel coming to me and giving me this energy or healing - or whatever it is. In my case - these things are real for me... and so I experience them as real... but when I first started to do this - they were not real yet... they were just ideas.... but - I had nothing to risk - so why not just try it.
Over time -they became totally real for me.
Does it matter if they are really real or not? Can I prove it to anyone else? No... but... I have proven it to me as my life has changed for the better and I feel better - and actually - that is all that matters in the end. After all - what the hell is reality anyway? Most of out thoughts are just imaginings after all... and how much of those are real??
Hahaha - lets go down that rabbit hole another time!!!!
For now- just start paying attention to something else.. to anything else that brings a better feeling to it.
Get lost in a book.. watch a funny video ... look at a flower and smell it... play with an animal...and just notice how your energy shifts and you start to feel better....
What did I do to get out of my mood?? I watched silly humans trying to do silly things on motorbikes and falling off... no idea why this make me laugh so much - but it did... and then I was in a better space and could address my inner needs and thoughts in a much better way!!!