I am a day late writing this blog post.... I was relaxing after a great massage yesterday, and just needed to rest.
Yesterday I did a balance on my vision board for the word - receiving... which developed into the phrase "I am open to receiving my good". I was testing weak on this statement. This means no amount of positive affirmations etc would work fully, as I would be somehow blocking the flow or sabotaging the ability to receive, or say yes to the wrong offers, that were not for my highest good.
In the process of the balance I was able to see that I did not fully trust that those giving were doing so without an ad-gender, and so I would find myself in doubt, hesitant, not fully trusting, and then overcompensating to make sure that I gave back to them in full plus interest, in whatever ways I could.
This all links back to those previous balances with the hidden guilt I was carrying and also to the linked issue of deservabilty. It was never enough for me to just say thank you - I had always felt I had to then somehow make it up to whoever it came through, in all the ways I could imagine...for fear of punishment and anger. So receiving became an form of dis-empowerment for me, not empowerment. I will do it and I will do it myself - became safer. This backfired a lot in my past.
I have been working on this for some time now - so in many ways it has really changed - and lately the offers coming through have been very pure and of serving the highest good for all involved... but still - I found myself overcompensating.
So this time I went even deeper and worked with what I found there - to melt away the old programming and fears... and really open to receiving "all that is mine by Divine Right".
We each have a flow that is ours to receive by "Divine Right"... and to receive this we need to be in the flow of energy - to be in the flow of BEING an expression of our true selves.
So here I came across my next belief.... that "I have to work hard. It can't come to me easy." I know many people have this program running amok in their heads.
So this was all linking to a previous balance that Reni Armbruster (the amazing Life Alignment practitioner and teacher in Switzerland - a great inspiration in my life and beautiful friend), and I worked on just a week ago - about going into the flow of life - into the flow of the energy of the universe... and there is no effort there- there is huge loving support there.. and its easy to be there. In that balance we tapped into this amazing energy and just allowed it to flow through us... and that is most likely what led to this blogging journey I am on. Part of the homework from that - was to tap into this energy ten times a day - which I have been doing. It is amazing what has happened in such a short time since doing this as a regular practice - and its this energy I am tapping into in my longer morning meditations.
So - since letting go of the hard work - and tapping into the flow... and then letting go of old guilt and pain etc., that is not mine to carry - and now - opening to receive from good sources for the highest good of all... I have been receiving.
People who have long owed me money have started to pay, others are paying me in advance, others are booking into courses and booking sessions, I have booked into some shows to promote my work, I have this website and blog up and running - and an offer to make it all a lot more professional when the time comes, an incredible astrological session, and then my beautiful hubby has offered me regular massages (and he is amazing), and then breakfast in bed this morning... and the list goes on.
So its time to look into these old belief systems around deservabilty and receiving.
What are yours?
How are they serving you?
What can you do to change them?
What new stories can you tell yourself about yourself in these areas of life instead?