Emotions are not a bad thing. They are your compass - they tell you where you are in alignment with your thinking... so from that point of view they are very useful.
So often we feel we need to work past these - called "bad" emotions - and just stay happy - or suppress those"Bad" emotions. Denial is a form of suppression and suppression of emotion leads to illness.
What we don't look at and explore - we don't learn from. These emotions are there to be learned from - they have a lot to show us about how we are feeling and what we are thinking... and in that way - what we are in the process of creating in our lives.
So try not to ignor your emotions.
Start with just being honest with yourself about how you are feeling right now.
Check into your body - how is the body feeling?
How does this feel there?
How am I feeling?
Tap into that feeling more fully - really be open with it - really sit in it for a while and let it move through you - ok - obviously make a safe space for yourself to do this. This is not about suddenly standing up in the bus and screaming out loud how angry you are feeling right now - as appealing as that may seem!!! So to explore emotions - give yourself a safe space to do it. Somewhere where you can take a bit of time to dive in and check things out - and perhaps make a bit of noise if needed or have a few tears.
If you become aware of a feeling and you are not in a safe space to explore it - just make a deal with yourself to attend to it as soon as it is possible to do so safely. This is a form of self love and self care.
If you do not pay attention to yourself - who else will? Remember that we attract from others what we give to ourselves... if we start to take care of our own feeling and acknowledge how we feel - then others will start to reflect that us as well. So again - if this is a form of self care and self love and acknowledgement - then by doing this for ourselves - we begin to attract care, love and acknowledgement from the outside world as well.
So once you are in a safe place - just sit in your space for a while - and check in... how am I really feeling? How is my body feeling? And then tune into the place where all of this is sitting in your body.. explore it - colour, shape, size, memories, images, thought? As you focus on the area where this is all stored - these ideas and thoughts will come to mind - and you can have a dialogue with them... once we pay attention to these feelings - they will expose our thinking to us... they will show us what we have not been looking at. This can lead to ideas of resolution... of what we need, and what we can then do to address those needs.
This could be in the form of realising that we are tired and need to rest more, or we are taking on too much responsibility and need to develop better boundaries, for example.
We might just need a good cry - then make yourself comfortable and have it - allow yourself to express it... let it out... you will feel a lot better afterwards and your body will thank you - as what does not come out - stays in and impacts the cell health - which leads to tiredness, lower energy levels and eventually ill health.
The same applies to anger... what if we discover anger inside... great - sit in it - let yourself verbalise, stamp, growl... in your safe place note - not out at anything or anyone else. This is all about self empowerment - owning our feelings and taking appropriate action towards becoming more empowered again - and while the idea of hitting out and blaming the world may seem like a wonderful idea to the ego - that is not empowerment.
Once we can allow the emotions to be accessed - to be seen and to be expressed - our mind and thinking around this becomes apparent to us...from there.. we are able to gain more clarity about it all. We can then shift our focus and thinking towards what we really want to create. This may well lead in us taking steps to address the issue - which again may mean we do have to confront someone who has overstepped a boundary - but - we will do so in a way that will lead to the result we want.
Sometimes we may well find that there are a lot of suppressed emotions inside... and its going to take a few visits to sort out. Great - now we know and we can commit to doing that. This may well mean we have to stew in the emotion for a while. This may not be the most comfortable place to be - but - discomfort leads us to taking appropriate action and making the changes that are needed... so the discomfort is worth it. If you keep on visiting it regularly you will survive the discomfort - as you will be tapping the edge off often enough so that it does not take you over. Just make a contract with yourself to visit it often enough to make it bearable while you journey through it...and put your seat belt on, as this will also then turn out to be a productive time of action which leads to change.
Now how do those around us cope with us in these times? Warn them... let them know - "I am going through something right now - please bare with me and if needed give me space... I am just travelling some tricky waters and working through something and I really do not want to take it out on you - so if you see me under a stormy cloud.. just smile and nod and give me space - thanks."
Or - if its deep sadness..." I am going through deep pain and sadness right now... I could really do with the odd hug and just letting me know that I am going to be OK - even though it hurts - I am going to be OK"
The truth is that our loved ones love us and they want to be able to help. But, often they do not know how so they try and sometimes get it right - or they try and stuff it up and then get snapped at... and then that may lead them to not trying again for fear of being hurt in the process. So - what they need from us is that we tell them what we need. Remember - most of us are not clairvoyant psychics - we cannot actually read each others minds - so let people know where you are at and what you need from them - then they are in a space to let us know if they can give us that or not. Again - remember - they themselves may well be going through their own hell - so they may be able to help or they may not... that is not because they do not care... its because they are also in their own personal hell. So in those times - we are then in a position to find a neutral buddy who can be there for us. Its not fair to expect someone else to be available 24/7 all year long... just as its not fair for others to expect that of ourselves.
So there is hope for these wonderful emotions - they are not our enemies - they are actually our friends - trying to show us where we are at in our heads so we can change what is needed. They are showing us where we are on our life journey... letting us know when we are on track and when we are off track!! They are our compass!!
You cannot heal what you hate. You cannot transform what you hate. The hatred becomes a consuming force – like a cancer - and consumes the energy to gather more of the same – becoming like a beast or monster inside you – feeding you emotions and thoughts that just keep on growing the thing.
In my studies in Psychophonetics (thanks to Yehuda Tagar, and Rudolph Steiner) – we learnt about the 3 beasts – of self-hatred, doubt and fear.
These things really are like beasts in that they are hideous, and scary and feed off our negativity.
To work with these beasties – you have to transform them and tame them. Often inside you will find a scared child, or a misunderstood aspect of yourself. Other times you find this is just old programming that you picked up as you were growing up and then brought into it and started to feed it, eventually believing that it was true.
Any story you tell yourself often enough becomes a truth. If you invest energy and time into it and focus on it – you will distort everything that comes your way in an effort to prove its validity and its truth… so no matter what someone tells you – you will turn that around and force it into fit your version of reality – your truth… and it will become very true and real for you.
Life is a series of stories that we tell ourselves… then we invest in them – we nurture them and grow them, and water them with more stories to form them into a reality…. But – this is what they are … a reality – not THE reality… they are a version of reality viewed through the filters of the stories we tell ourselves. Do any of us even know what THE reality is? Is there one? Or is reality whatever we make of it through our own thoughts, feelings and beliefs?
So, if you are hating some aspect of yourself… what you are doing is feeding this beast called hatred. It’s a very strong emotion. If you continue to hate – you cannot heal. You have to transform this hatred into something else… you have to put your attend and your focus on other things until this energy is drained from the hatred.
Write down what it is you hate, or dislike about yourself. Let’s say, for example, its your weight.
The more you hate it – the more energy you give it – the more it grows – so no matter how many diets you try and potions you use – while you hate it – you are feeding the very thing you hate.
You will then not be able to shift the weight. Hatred is a very toxic emotion and toxicity gets sored in fat – so you can hate yourself into weight gain. Those very fat cells that you hate so much are saving your life by storing those very toxic emotions. Start to think about them differently… they are life savers… they are keeping you functioning until they can slowly release their toxic load, and then when no longer needed – they will dissipate. If they dumped their load all at once you would be very ill indeed. Thank you, fat cells, for keeping me alive and functioning!! Now let them get on and do their job and start to focus instead on things that you do like about yourself… you might have great eyes, or lovely feet. Your mind may be incredibly sharp, or you could be loving and a great friend.
List all the things about yourself which are good. Really take your time to appreciate these things.
Once you are feeling better about yourself – start to imagine the life you want to lead? Perhaps its about being fitter? So, take the attention away from the weight and rather into fitness. Feed your attention there instead. How will I feel when I am fitter? What will I be doing? Really go for it with your imagination – creating this idea of a different reality… see yourself perhaps going for daily walks, and feeling good as you do so… and while you are walking paying attention to the beauty around you and how that makes you feel. Now you are feeding a better version of yourself which serves you far more than beating yourself up. This will lead you to other things you want to do and can do – and it will result in a healthier happier you – which will also eventually result in weight loss – without that having been the primary intention any more.
You can do this same thing with anything else in life that you hate. Change your focus to what is working… build your energy up until you feel better about life in general… and keep it general…and then start asking yourself how you want things to be – getting a better vision… picking one aspect of that to start working towards... and naturally action will result that will lead you to this better space.
In some cases, you will find yourself being able to look deeper inside to the one who is hurting, and giving that self what he or she needs. Meet the unmet needs of this one and your problems will dissolve.
In other cases, you will realise that these feelings are based on judgements from others that you have brought into. In our world we are bombarded by profits and sales – so get told constantly that we are not good enough – and that to be loved and approved we need to wear certain things, look in specific ways etc etc... Here we are feeding the bank accounts of people who want to get rich on our insecurities!! There are some wonderful movements out there now exposing all of these things. Get inspired by them... look on you tube for inspiration and upliftment… open your eyes and check out – to whose standards am I judging myself by? Is this an advertising campaign? Is this the belief I want to pass onto my children? What is my own truth? There are counties in this world where woman are only viewed as beautiful if they are fat – and so the girls are sent to fat farms to fatten up so that they can become beautiful. Again – what are these ideas based on, and do we want to buy into them??
It’s always an investment, of energy, of money, of time etc. What you invest in – you get more of… so what do you want to get more of? If it makes you really feel good…not just on the surface, but deep inside – then chances are you are onto a good investment… but if not… then change your investment. Investment can be seen as focus. What you focus on – you get more of.
It comes down to this… if you want more of something – then focus and invest your attention onto it – however – if you don’t like it... then stop it. Just stop… look around for what you do like... and go in that direction. In the process of doing this you will automatically clean up your act and sort out what needs to be sorted out to get to where you really want to be… which for most of us… is happiness and love.
Today I want to look at the topic of blame. In looking for blame – be it blaming ourselves or someone else – we are stepping into shifting responsibility to someone or something else. This keeps us in a state of victim-hood – which is very dis-empowering. If it is someone else’s fault – then we do not need to do anything about it… or we are unable to do anything about a situation we are not happy with. What an awful place to be in.
I am not saying that in some situations in life this is not the case… but – what I want to look at is how often it becomes a pattern to shift the blame to someone else – to point fingers at something else… because then we do not need to do anything about it, or cannot do anything about it – and we stay in the same place.
Is this something we really want from life?
If we are not happy in a situation – and we want change – then we must take on some form of responsibility. We can sit there and point fingers at everyone else and at other situations in life – but – until we change something within ourselves – change will not happen – we will stay in the place we are in – a place of dis-empowerment and victim-hood.
Yes – there are definite situations where the cause may well be someone else – but even there – we have to look inside ourselves and find where we can take responsibility in some way – because that is where we can effect change.
We cannot change someone or something else that is outside of ourselves that we have no power over – but we can bring about change within ourselves. This is responsibility – the ability to respond to a situation and take appropriate action…vs just blame – where we shift all responsibility to someone or something else – which means there is nothing we can do within ourselves.
Response – ability. The ability to respond.
So when you find yourself in a situation where you are not happy… ask yourself – what in me has attracted this? What is me can I change to bring about something different? What can I do differently? This may be taking action in the form of reporting something to the appropriate authority… moving jobs… moving out of a relationship that is not healthy… asking advice… changing my own thought patterns about myself…etc… so it can be something internal or something external. But – the minute you take action in any way at all – there is movement… and movement brings about change…and movement also brings you back into a more empowered position.
Once you find something to shift – then take action – work out one step you can take towards that new direction… you do not need to do it all at once and overwhelm yourself… just take the first step and start doing something differently.
Often the first place to start with this is inside yourself. How do you feel about yourself in this situation? How would you rather be feeling? What do you need to do for that part of yourself that is not feeling good? Is that an inner child that needs love and reassurance? Can you call in help?... And this may be calling a friend, a counselor, a lawyer, a spiritual guide… Open up and receive that help and reassurance… let it in and let it help to begin the healing within you.
From here you will be in a better position to take any action that needs to be taken… make a plan of action and work out the steps you need to take – or get advice for this. Structure your time a bit more to help factor in things that will help you.
Once you have started this process – take your focus away from the situation or people involved… and start to look at other areas of life where you are doing well, or areas of life that do please you… and in the beginning – this may be as simple as lifting your face to the sun and feeling its warmth on your skin…smelling a flower… watching a child or an animal at play…. Let these things lift your… let them touch you heart and soul – as the more you do that – the more hope you will feel and the higher you will move out of the darker place you have found yourself to be in.
So yes – someone else may well be the one who is wrong – but… what can you do to bring about change in your own life so that you get into a better space and a better situation. This is the responsibility that you can take… to look after yourself and your needs and to care for yourself…this will make you feel more empowered again and shift you right out of feeling like a helpless victim… and from here…. The world becomes a better place for you again.
Now what if it is you, yourself you are blaming? This can fester and become like a whip… a way of beating yourself… a way of hating yourself. This again takes you deep into a helpless place of victim-hood.
If there is something you have done… then what actions can you take to change it, or repair it? If you cannot repair it – what can you to do to make reparation? This may be directly to the others involved – or to others as an indirect way of reparation. What was going on at the time that you acted out in this way? Where is the disharmony within yourself? Self-hatred is so harmful -it helps no one. It keeps you down and it does not lead to a repair of the situation at hand. What part of yourself do you hate or are you unhappy with? Sense into that area… and who is it in there… most often – it will be a child in need who is acting out to get attention – what can you do to learn to reconnect and love that needy part of your being. If you cannot do this on your own – then I recommend you get help. Find things you do like about yourself… find your areas of strength… and let these aspects of yourself help the other side of yourself. You need to build yourself up again.
You need to learn to love yourself – as someone who loves themselves takes better action.
I have written about magic before – blog post 21- however – this subject keeps coming up – so its time to review it at this very magical time of year.
I hear people telling me that the magic has gone out of life or they have lost the magic in life. There is only one way to fix this – you have to find it again… and to find something means you have to look for it. Sometimes in life – things find us – yes…but its far more effective to get active and go on the hunt yourself. If you lost it – you can find it. The very act of looking puts you back into empowerment as you are taking the power back into your own hands and you are doing something about it – rather than being a passive victim about it. Yes – that may sound a bit harsh – but… its not really. Its about taking action – about making some kind of movement – and as soon as you begin to move – you are no longer where you were before – and you are empowering yourself.
So – how to find the magic in life again… you look for it. You have to become more present to life – to start looking outside of your little cloud of doom and gloom and into the world… Yes.. I know – I am making light of some really heavy stuff.. but we need a touch of humour here to help.
When we are miserable and exhausted with life – we are a bit like “Eeyore” from the “Winnie The Pooh” stories – the lovely donkey who can be found to walk around in his own rain cloud when the rest of them are out in the sun. Life does give us these times…and sometimes that cloud is a huge hurricane of destruction and seems to go on forever. However, time and again – the sun does come out after the storm. While we are in the storm its pure hell, and feels like it is forever, but it does change. Life is always on the move. The sun continues to come out time and time again – in fact – the sun – is always out there shining… it’s the clouds that cover it from view and the earth that turns. So, its we ourselves that go into our clouds of darkness and turn our backs on the light, on the magic.
The light is the magic. So this means we have to poke through those clouds and let the light back in – we have to turn around and face the light again and allow it to touch us. The power is in ourselves.
Christmas and New years can be a huge dark cloud for so many people – so many unmet desires and disappointments – its so much history that comes back time and time again. How do we change the dark cloud into allowing in more light – how do we find the magic in these conditions??
Firstly – we have to want to… we have to make the decision that this is what we want to do. This means engaging our will and choosing a different point of focus. For those who have studied Life Alignment – think back to Body Spin where we do the 4 steps of the emotional release process- step one – we feel… this is where we connect to where we are right now and come into the present moment with it – as healing happens in the present. In step two – we choose to feel – where we are making a conscious choice of where we would rather be – of how we would rather be – this is the change of focus and this is all about empowerment. We then go into releasing what is holding us back… and in this process – you can think about it as using whatever methods you can to let go of the dark black cloud…. This can be through crying, screaming, shouting, painting, invoking angelic or other help… and then…. You can open up to receive something better… and this process always works.
One you have made the choice to find the magic again – then it’s a matter of actively looking for it in every area of life. Look for positive stories on media and social media… there are so many of them out there. Watch heart warming movies – and let yourself be touched by the hope and the love. Watch people… actively look for goodness and kindness in others – it is apparent everywhere when you look for it, and focus on it when you find it. Look at nature – this in itself, is pure magic in action… its like watching creation reveal itself to you in all that it does. Each time you see it – let it touch you – open your heart and let it inside. Breath it in. Smell it. Touch it. Use all your senses to connect to it.
Become the magic. This is the most powerful way of all to reconnect to magic – is to actually be the means through which magic happens for yourself, others and the planet. How can you help others experience magic? Smile at others. Give people real compliments. Make eye contact with strangers. Buy a stranger flowers, or if you can’t afford that – pick a few. Help someone – anyone – in any way you can. Say a prayer for someone. Think of something good about someone who is really annoying you…because there is always something good in people… that bastard may have really lovely eyes, or they may really love their dog… look for that one thing about them- and if not – then send them a blessing as they must be hurting really badly to hurt others. Find things to be grateful for – no matter how small. Pick up litter and throw it in the bin. Find something good about yourself. Do something good for yourself. All of these things will add up, and bring a lighter feeling to you so that the clouds start to thin and the light can begin to filter in… and the light brings the magic – as it is the magic.
Connect to the light inside if you can- imagine it… it is there – even if its really really small – it will be there – as if you are alive – there is a spark of light inside you. Visualise or imagine the light coming through your eyes, your ears, your nose, your hands and your heart… imagine you can touch others and yourself with this light. Start with yourself – where does this light need to go? Send it there – touch there. Listen through the light. Smell through the light. Taste through the light. Touch with the light. Feel with the light. The light will bring your heart into a more open and receptive space and you will feel the love – the magic – again.
The more you engage with light, the more you will find and see magic … love… in your life again.
"Tis the seasons to be Jolly..."
How many of us are??
How many of us are seriously stressed out and in flat our panic mode instead?
So much to do on an already stretched out budget with so little time... all these expectations to meet... and the food... and then the realisation that the year is almost done and what have we achieved... or not yet achieved in this time??? Tick tock - the clock is ticking and how to do it all in the time that is left?
Yep - I have been in seriously stressed bunny mode!!
Sudden wake up... what for??
I see all my old stress buttons getting pressed and I fall off my center and into my "please them all " mode… and I am a headless chicken for a while... dictated to by expectations and fear!! (Most of these being in my imagination and not real at all!!)
When am I going to wake up more and learn to live more fully for myself without trying to please others? I am still beating that old drum! What if this one is not happy with my gift? Have I spent enough on them? Are they going to get upset if this one gets this and that one gets that??
Oh enough already!!
What is this season supposed to be about?
There are many religious points of view here - and I feel so many of us have lost the vision and the idea of what this season is supposed to be and to mean... and we get caught up in an advertising hype of buy buy buy and please please please... it’s a bit crazy when you step back and really look at it.
To me, Christmas is supposed to be a message of love... and an expression of sharing and caring and giving from this place of love... remember.. . "it’s the thought that counts"? When did it become a time of comparison and living up to expectations? What can we do to bring it back to what it really is all about? Why not decide for ourselves what meaning to give it?
So let's find ways this year to express love and acceptance this year. To give that to ourselves and to others. Let's take the pressure off and let it be a wonderful, loving experience again. Let’s find ways to be kind and loving to ourselves as well.
Perhaps write out messages to others of how they have touched your heart this year, and of how proud you are of them... what have they done this year that is worthy of being noticed?
Perhaps we need to look deep into each other’s eyes and tell them how much they mean to us and how grateful we are that they are in our lives? Let's take the time to tell others about the areas in life where they have got it right. Let's take the time to look for the beauty and the specialness in each other.... and then... in ourselves.
Because After Christmas comes the dreaded New Year!!
Once again the pressure is felt as we look back over the last year and see all the things we have not done... all the areas where we failed!! This year... let's take some time to reflect on all the things we did do. Let's take the time to see all we have achieved and how much it took to achieve those things. Let's acknowledge just how far we have come. Let's acknowledge all the love and support that has been there for us. Let's connect to the spirit world and acknowledge just how much support and love we get from there.
From this space - we can then look forward and start to visualise what next - in a loving way - and in an excited way. If we visuliase from love and hope, then we are in a much better space to start the new year... this is far more powerful than from creating from frustration and disappointment.
Build your vision from love and passion.
We have come this far - ok great - now from here... what is the next step?
Hold a vision of where you want to be - and then pull back to just the next step... life is a long journey - and we don't get there until the end of this one - and then only to continue the same journey in a different way... so no panic and rush...
How about this next year we enjoy the process more? How about taking the time to stop and reflect and enjoy th scenery more... to look around us in wonderment of all that is there?
Have a great time....
What has come to mind lately is the level of judgement and criticism we all have for each other.
This is, in many ways, totally natural... our whole lives program us for this. We are judged from day one onwards, and in that sense, we are programmed to judge and compare all the time. Thus, we compare ourselves to others and we judge and criticise others... and ourselves.
But - where does this leave us? What are the results? Does it really serve us?
Let's look at the simple fact - that what we focus on we attract more of....
If this is true - then if we are in constant comparison - we will also attract that. If we are in constant judgement - we will also attract that.... if we are in constant critique mode - we will also attract that.
Not only will we attract what we do to others - but... we will only see the flaws we are looking for - and we will stop seeing the beauty and the uniqueness that is so special in each person we encounter - and in ourselves.
How do we judge others and ourselves? What is the standard we are using?
Is this coming from the heart - or is it coming from indoctrinated standards from the media and various religions? Are these true standards that are heart felt , or are they outer programming designed to make us feel less than, and to cause division and suffering?
I feel it’s important to know what does and does not work for me... but - if something is not my cup of tea - that does not mean I am entitled to bring someone else down because it is their cup of tea.
Likewise - ifs someone else does not agree with how I do things - that is ok... and it does not mean I am doing something wrong… just doing it differently.
Of course - if I am causing harm to that person - that is different.... but if there is no real harm (other than potential ego harm) - then each of us is entitled to do things and feel the way we feel.
There is a wonderful saying that says - "What others think of me is none of my business” ... online it mentioned this being attributed to Wayne Dyer... but am sure it has been said in many other places.
This is so true - as if I spend all my time worrying about what you or anyone else thinks of me - then I am living to please others... what a waste of time.
Likewise though - what I think of others also is none of their business... and I need to get my head right out of others and into me.
I cannot create my life if I have my nose stuck in your business... nor if I am trying to run my business (my life) - from your point of view!!
So let’s start to mind our own business... focus on our own business from our own point of view.
Here is a choice to be made - which point of view? From my inner critic, or from my heart and soul?
If I focus on the inner critic - then I just keep on the same old hamster wheel of not being good enough etc. and of pleasing others and fear... and that gets us nowhere... well - its goes to a miserable place... and for me - that is nowhere.
If I choose to focus from my heart - then I can really get somewhere - I can get to what makes my heart and soul sing.
Once I start looking into my own life from here - then when I look at others - I will be looking from a more open hearted and soulful place - which is far more accepting of others having the right to express themselves in whatever way works for them.
This gives me the right to do the same... to be me expressing me.
Now this does not mean I allow others who are expressing something that does not vibe with me, the right to walk all over me and to potentially hurt me... no - because I will be at a place that either puts a boundary in place and extends that boundary so that they keep their distance - or the way I am expressing will bring out more of the loving side in that person... or - they will express that other stuff away from me - where it is in harmony with others who are in a more appreciative space of them being who they currently want to be.
You see - it’s not really wrong at all that they are being who they are...even if who they are being is not something I like... who is right here?? Who is to say that the so -called awful thing they are engaged in does not serve others in a very deep and meaningful way that brings about great and wonderful changes to all involved? In this case - what is wrong?? Rather - better to look at it in a way that asks... does it serve me at my higher levels to be here right now? If not - move away... and allow those who need to engage in whatever way to do so in their own way.... and move away - it’s not a story you need to be part of. If the answer is yes - then in what way? Sometimes we do need to be in a place that does not feel so good - because of the service we or they have to offer... accept that - do what you need to do and move onwards.
Sometimes - in fact - often for me... the ones who do something that looks so bad... are the ones who are giving me my greatest life lessons. Without those people doing what they were doing - or saying what they said... I know I would not be where I am today.... so, were they wrong?? Or... where they in deep service to me?
What about people engaged in behaviours that I deem to be inappropriate? Well, firstly, “I “deem this - so it’s my judgement of what works for me. It means that what they are engaged in is wrong for me - but it may well be right for them... and it may not look right... but... again - who knows where this will lead them or others?? If I need to do something about this - because they may be acting under the influence of a substance - or they may be underage and under the influence of an older person who may not have their best interest in mind - then yes - I need to take appropriate action... and then again... ultimately - it will be a win win for all... but... if this behaviour of theirs does me no real harm - and does no real harm to others who are not in a situation to defend themselves... then... its best I live by example and not by pointing the finger - as most people do not respond well to being criticised or judged from an ego point of view.
So this is not the easiest topic - I know - because there are many areas that seriously harm another - and no - that is not good... and that is common sense. But what I am talking about here is people’s right to just be themselves expressing themselves... and we judge them for wearing funny clothes, or weird hair... or their taste in music or food etc... this is harmless stuff. Why do we care?? So what if someone wants to walk around in green hair with feathers sticking out of their nose… that is their right... and if it works for them - yay!!! Good for them... I admire them for their courage to do so... their ability to walk tall in the face of so called normality - they are teaching us such a great lesson... Let’s rather look at them and smile and just think or say - good for you! Its ok for them to do that - they have no impact on us other than to allow us to have a smile. So what if someone loves punk music... good for you - they are keeping someone else in business and that is great... I can also choose to put in my earphones and listen to what I like.
So what is someone loves Kung Fu movies - again - they are supporting others in their right to be who they are - just like I do in watching soppy romance!
I believe there is a place for each of us to be ourselves in this wonderful planet.... why not celebrate that - why not allow ourselves to be the bright and beautiful odd ball unique characters we are...let’s learn from nature... some things our there are seriously odd - and yet - each oddness about them is there by divine order and really serves something greater.... so perhaps its the same with us??
Let's learn to embrace our uniqueness and allow others the same right... our uniqueness of mind, of dress, of taste, of friends.... Let's look for the common ground and celebrate that too... as that is our place of union with those others.... and if there is no common ground - then let’s be grateful that the planet is as big as it is and there is space for each of us to exits as we need to without having to stop another living the way they want to... just like the lion lives on land and the whale lives in the deep ocean and they never meet or have much to do with each other.
let’s learn to mind our own business – own our own thought - and focus on our own lives... build ourselves up... and to leave others to do their thing... and if its gets in our way - to negotiate space so we can co exit on this plane without having to cause more chaos.
Yes - this may well mean that we choose to have some serious distance with some people -and that is ok too... remember the lions and the whales!!
I have been having one of those weeks where I have allowed my mind to slip into negative creation!!! Something triggered me and whoops - down I went... it got in!!
What we think about - we become... what we think about - we create - one way or another!!
So here I am... finding my mind slipping into delightfully negative thoughts that drag my energy down and make me emotionally feel down too.... lovely.... and for that part of my being - it is lovely... its the hippo part of me that just loves to wallow in the mud... its stinky and slippery and slimy and dark and all things blah!!!
Yes - we do all have that part... that part of the ego that wants to wallow in misery - that wants to be a martyr, or that wants to be a victim....
Wants to?? Surely not!!! Who actually wants to be that??
Consciously... not many of us ... but subconsciously - there is that part of us that is attached to an ego definition of ourselves who suffer... we get addicted to our pain and misery. This part of ourselves is attached to an identity it has created for itself - its gets its life energy this way... its gets its badges of honour this way.... its the only way it knows itself - and without the pain and misery - who is it??? Can it even exist??
How many times have you heard the phrase "Rather the devil you know then the devil you don't??"
This kind of programming keeps us stuck in old stories - playing the same thing over and over again in different chapters of our lives with different characters - but the same story.
This part hates change - it is terrified of change - no matter what the change it.....
"What if its worse???"- rather stick with what you know then take the risk that it could be different!!!!!
What if its better???
What if life could be different in a very good way?
What if you can succeed?
What if you can be happy?
Ahh... but what if people leave us because we change?
Well... what kind of people only love you and pay attention to you when you are down?
Are they the kinds of people you really want in your life?
But what if there is no one else????
Better abusive people then none at all??
The reality is that we have all these little secondary gain programs going on... that part of our ego has devised strategies for survival that depend on us taking certain roles and playing certain games - to gain something - and until it changes that and find a more healthy way of getting what it wants - it will hold onto its old story as hard as it can - because it believes that if it does not - the results will be horrific.
This is often an inner child... a young one that was doing the best it could under the circumstances it was in - to survive. This part of our being needs love and compassion... it needs to gain understanding so that it can let go of the old and make space for something better.
So tune into this side of yourself... listen to what it is saying... listen to what it is trying to get.
How old is this side of you?
Allow an image to form in your mind... how is this one doing?
Engage into conversation with it... letting the older wiser you connect to and befriend this younger you.
Giving it the support and love that it is needing... helping it find other better solutions to the problems it feels it has.... allowing it to meet and connect to the spirit world and feel the loving guidance from there.
Just use your imagination.
Remember - the reptilian brain will take anything we think about - or imagine... as real and respond as if it is real... so don't worry about if something is real or not... lets face it... a good portion of the negative thoughts and ideas we think about are not really real either - until we hold them long enough and then they manifest.
Well - lets use this fact in a more positive way.
So start to imagine the support you want (for example)- don't use actual people ... just visualise yourself getting support.. and get into the feeling of it.... the feelings help you know when your thinking is on track...if it feels good - you are on track - if it does not feel good - you are off track... try something else.
Support issues used to be something that was a problem for me... long ago. In the beginning - I could not imagine anyone being supportive... so I went more general... I aimed to just get the feeling of support and not be too specific about it. I lay on the ground and just allowed my body to totally relax and then I told myself... "This is what support feels like."
I sat in my chair and allowed myself to become aware of how the chair was supporting me and got into the feel of it..."This is me being held".
I can float really well in water - so I used to swim to the middle of the pool and then flip over and just totally relax and feel what it felt like to be so supported and held... and then imagine it was a giant hand holding me... the Hand of God... of the Universe...and then say to myself... "I am so supported".
Slowly in my life - I started to notice ways in which I really was being supported... in so many ways.... I just took my attention away from those few who were not being supportive in the ways I wanted them to be - and open my mind... and allowed support to come to me in many other ways...... and then.... I started to notice the ways in which those other specific people were supporting - me... in the ways that they could.
I had to see that not every one can be everything to me... just in the way that a butterfly cannot carry a human on its back - but a horse can.... allowing those who can deliver what I need to do so - and appreciating that the others could give me other things. So some people moved further away from me - and others then moved closer.
Yes - life changed - but for the better in every way.
So - back to my week!!! Yes - went on a wallowing trip... hahah....and I could see it - and for a while - I just consciously wallowed there - amused with myself for doing what I was doing- gaining understanding of this side of me that was afraid of the next level of change that was about to happen.
Taking a deep breath I started to love this side of me - connect to it and nurture it in more healthy ways.
I then found that my thinking started to shift.... I stopped imagining things and giving energy to things that had not happen and that most likely were not going to happen. So often we worry about things that have not happened... and are not actually happening... but we fear they might happen - and so we feed those thoughts... and drop our energy and eventually... yes - something like that does happen.
So instead... I go general... and say to myself... ok - well - this is not helping... and it has not happened... and chance are pretty good that it will not... so what do I need right now? I may need a hug, reassurance, love... whatever it is... I either find a way to get that for myself from someone or some way where it is possible - or I just imagine it. I connect to that part of myself that can give it to me... I imagine God or an Angel coming to me and giving me this energy or healing - or whatever it is. In my case - these things are real for me... and so I experience them as real... but when I first started to do this - they were not real yet... they were just ideas.... but - I had nothing to risk - so why not just try it.
Over time -they became totally real for me.
Does it matter if they are really real or not? Can I prove it to anyone else? No... but... I have proven it to me as my life has changed for the better and I feel better - and actually - that is all that matters in the end. After all - what the hell is reality anyway? Most of out thoughts are just imaginings after all... and how much of those are real??
Hahaha - lets go down that rabbit hole another time!!!!
For now- just start paying attention to something else.. to anything else that brings a better feeling to it.
Get lost in a book.. watch a funny video ... look at a flower and smell it... play with an animal...and just notice how your energy shifts and you start to feel better....
What did I do to get out of my mood?? I watched silly humans trying to do silly things on motorbikes and falling off... no idea why this make me laugh so much - but it did... and then I was in a better space and could address my inner needs and thoughts in a much better way!!!
Are you one of those people who others walk past and seem to ignore?
Are you finding that you listen to others a lot - but they don't seem to listen to you and what you have to say?
Are you feeling less important to others than they feel to you??
Then its time to make yourself important to you!!!
You cannot attract attention from others and support from others that well - without making yourself important to you. You have to stop and realise just how important you are. You have to put yourself in the center of your own picture of life.
Until you feel that you count... and that you yourself have value - you will only draw to you others who reflect your lack of value back to you - as everyone and everything out there is a reflection back to us of how we feel about ourselves.
The world is like a mirror... we get what we put out. We see reflected back to ourselves - how we feel about ourselves. If we treat ourselves badly and are harsh towards ourselves - then the world will reflect these things back to us. If we are feeling fear - the world will reflect all the reasons to feel fear right back at us from every direction. If we hate ourselves - the world will reflect all the hatred we feel right back at ourselves.
We see and experience life through the filters of our feelings... our deepest feelings.. even if we are not conscious about these feelings - we can see reflected back at us.... we will be able to see our inner workings through how we experience the world.
So its time to be more kind towards ourselves and to find what there is that is special about us. This is the beginnings of real self love and appreciation. The more you can be gentle towards you - the more the world is gentle back to you. The more you love yourself - the more love you will be able to see and experience.... and of course - the more you appreciate yourself - the more you will attract appreciation.
However... we have to leave it up to those who are capable of giving us these things back... to be the ones who do it. You cannot ask a dog to fly in the sky...its a beautiful dog... wonderful in all its glory - and can catch and fetch a ball in a way a bird cannot. So don't expect what you are looking for to come from someone who is not yet capable of that expression. We have attracted these people into our lives precisely because they do not have that within them - or... we are not seeing it... and so have been unable to receive it. Either way - we attracted these experiences to show us where our inner minds have been.
So once we change our thoughts towards ourselves - and our actions towards ourselves - the world around us will change... although it make take a bit of time to do that... step by step...but it will change.
This may mean that you find yourself relocating and then living or working in a different environment. It could also mean that the people in your life change - some will no longer fit with you current vibration and so they will move away - and that is ok. They are making space for someone else who is now a match for where you are... bless them and let them go.... and allow yourself excitement about who next is coming in...someone who can now love and appreciate you the way you are now doing towards yourself.
Sometimes people need to move away because they are unable to receive what we are now willing to give... as we can only receive what we ourselves are willing to give... its just how it works.
So - how to make yourself more important in your life... well - stop looking for outside affirmation of who and what you are..... you have to start telling yourself the good things about yourself.. you have to start looking for your own good qualities and working on them and affirming them yourself.
Look into the mirror daily and keep on looking until you can find something about yourself that you like.
Sometimes you have to fake it for a while first...and that is ok - you are building new neurological pathways - it takes a bit of time. It took time for you to program yourself into a negative space about yourself - so be prepared to give yourself a bit of time to change that.
Ask yourself what you need to change things today... make a list of things you want to change.. and then find something on the list each day that you can take a step towards... and allow yourself the time to do this step by step. Life is a journey after all... so give yourself permission to do it step by step and to enjoy the process - celebrating each little step as you take it... as we do a small child that is learning how to walk - step by step.
Rewards yourself as you go along... when you take a step - congratulate yourself and rewards yourself in some way - be that big or small. It is the inner you - the inner child - you are working with... so be aware of this and as with all children - some encouragement and gentleness goes a long long way.
Make a list of what you want to experience from others... kindness , love, appreciation etc... and then these are the very things you have to extend towards yourself! Be kind to yourself... in your words, your thoughts and actions. Be loving towards yourself - as you would to another.... and appreciate all those things that are good about you... and there are a lot of them when you really think about it.
So - there will be change.... and charge... is a good thing. So open your arms wide each day and feel the energy of the change coming to you - feel the excitement of all that you deserve now coming towards you - because you deserve it... because its your birthright.
My question to day is "Whose life is it anyway??"
Whose life are you living and why are you living it?
Are you here to please others and to do what they say?
Are you here to listen to others and put their wishes first?
Is this their life?
Is this your life??
Whose life are you living??
So often when I tackle things in my life - I hear the voices of others... now in my own head... once outside of myself!! This one thinks this and that one think that. This one thinks I should do it this way and that one thinks I should do it that way.
This one wants me to behave this way and that one wants me to behave that way.
This just leaves me feeling torn and lost.
If I honour person A then person B is angry with me.
If I follow person B's advise then person A is all sad and upset and I have somehow made their life a misery.
I am damned if I do and I am damned if I don't. Sound familiar??
Well - at the end of the day - no matter what I do and how kind and wonderful I try to be - someone is not going to be happy with me - because it will not be the way they believe it should be. I cannot please everyone. In fact - I can't make anyone happy ever.
No one can make someone else happy.
We can please someone - yes.. to a point... but only if they are open to being pleased... so they have to be open to it in the first place. You see - it starts inside us.... its a choice within us to be open or not.
If someone is closed to joy then no matter how hard you try and what you do - you are not going to be able to make them happy or to please them. ...because they are closed.
If someone is open to joy - then they are already in that space of joy within themselves and so - its easy to please them... they are already please able - because they are already pleased... within.
So all this stuff about trying to make others happy and proud of us etc... its all about external gratification.
Its also about external manipulation.
"I can only be happy if you do this or that" - means I am placing the responsibility of my life and my joy in your hands... that is manipulation... and avoidance of self responsibility. You must make me happy and if I am not happy its your fault!!
We are all guilty of this in one form or another - and right here - I must apologise to my family, my children and anyone else I have ever done this to... I am really sorry!!! We are trained into it - its a form of programming, and of control... its throughout our whole lives and society. In some ways - its done as a form of trying to protect our beloveds from harm.
"Don't touch that hot stove", "Don't run across the road" - now these things are common sense... and are providing boundaries - so that we learn how the world around us works...
But.... "If you do that you will make mommy sad... and then Mommy will think you don't love me anymore"... this is manipulation and control. Naturally we want to be happy with others... and we want those we love to be happy...and that can lead to us trying to please them. This then leads to us expecting others to be able to please us and make us happy. However... its not our responsibility to please them and make them happy, or vice versa.
Oh well - our lives are full of it and the past is the past... so dropping into guilt and shame and blame is not going to help us here either...
What will help is the realisation that at the end of the day - we are responsible for our own lives - for our own joy and only we can really make ourselves happy. This sets us free.
Its our life ... for us to live... for us to express ourselves in... for us to be ourselves in.
So... become aware of how many things you are doing to please others.
Become aware of the choices you make and why you are making them...who are you making them for?
Why are you making them? How does it make you feel?
This awareness is your key to freedom.
Start to make choices that really reflect your own honest truth - that come from your own heart and that are an expression of who you really are.
What makes you happy?
What brings you joy?
What do you want to do and why?
Its your life... live it - and please yourself... and you will find happiness there.